Evolution of an American Housewife

Professor J,

We want people to change their thinking, or to even think at all which we can't always be sure they've actually done for themselves. Your description of what takes place instead was so accurate.  You did an excellent job in your last post of outlining how the trap slowly closes on our political and religious thinking (can we call it thinking?). By the time I got to the end of the paragraph I could hear a loud SNAP! Yet everyone still believes that they have thought deeply about things and come to their conclusions on their own. Allow me a moment of transparency while I describe what reaching a tipping point and rethinking everything mid life can feel like:

I woke up out of a dead sleep and the iceberg of my mind had turned over. Capsized in the night, deep thoughts, and questions I didn’t know that I already had the answers to emerged dark and somewhat unformed on the surface.  The certainty of all I had been taught and believed rolled over into the shadowy depths and silence without a sound as they slipped under into the darkness.  It was only then that I realized how small the surface thinking, not even thinking really but following, had been and how massive, dense, and powerful those deeper ideas were.  They broke through and rose high above the surface as the old thoughts got pushed deeper under the weight of them. The universe was preparing me for truth. Toughening me up, knowing that the truth is often shockingly ugly.

Massive rusty hinges in my mind had been slowly opening for a decade or so. I became less comfortable with what everyone around me thought and more at ease with questioning.  Everything. All the time. Suddenly inquiring of friends and family members why they think the way they do, when they assume that you agree with them, can be unnerving for them. It’s no walk in the park for you either and won’t make you popular. People see honest hard questions as antagonistic. Such are the little enclaves of thinking we’ve insulated ourselves with, people who think and believe like us. People who won’t ask us anything we can’t answer.  The unspoken pact between us is that we’ll afford them the same courtesy.

So what finally caused the iceberg to invert? Three things made this shift in my thought process possible: Travel, art, discussion. 

Travel: Travel is an absolute necessity for realizing that people, apart from politics and power are startlingly similar. I recently watched the  documentary, A Matter of Trust, about Billy Joel's concert tour of the Soviet Union in 1987. I highly recommend it. Having recently traveled to Russia I can attest to having the exact same feelings as many of the band members--these are the people we were taught to fear? Sitting on a subway in St. Petersburg I had an overwhelming feeling of having been duped. Which leads to the question--by whom and to what end? In Mexico while having discussions about immigration the same thing was true. Much of what I believed was simply wrong. In Scandinavia "European Socialism" hardly looked sinister. People want to work, raise their children in safety, and have basic human rights. But as you point out over and over again--who benefits from keeping our fellow citizens, who are seeing the world second hand, from knowing that?

Art: Who can imagine the 60s without Dylan? Or Warhol? Or Harper Lee, Rachel Carson, or Betty Friedan? There's a reason that we see over and over again books burned, music banned, and art destroyed in totalitarian regimes or theocracies.  Because it's powerful and thought provoking. It also takes time away from busyness and gives the mind room to breathe and explore. Everyone knows deep down that ideas are more powerful than weapons and far harder to contain and control. It's what makes it terrifying to those who worship the status quo.

Discussion: In the past coffee houses, taverns, and universities have been ground zero for radical change. I don't know if the internet will be as effective, but perhaps. I will say that having to actually spell out what I believe and why (week after week!) is enlightening. Sharing, discussing, arguing, defending, questioning, puzzling it together, teasing it apart, learning something knew and having to decide how it fits, honestly assessing one's own ideas, and being willing to see the other point of view--how can we get where we need to go if people aren't doing that? With Americans having fewer close friends than in previous decades it may be difficult for people to find those willing to delve deep as well as make time for such endeavors. But what could be more important?

I'm noticing that things that I think have brought about shifts in my own opinions, are things that feed the soul and could also fall under personal experience.

So what do you say, Dr. J? What kind of things do you think most influence a change in people's thinking? What's on your list?

Examine Our Head-Hearts

Madame:

Not just where that kind of thinking was going to land her, but in what condition, eh?

The time is perhaps fast approaching when our choices—and our lack of making mindful ones—will lock our descendants (and maybe us) into a misery cycle.

We have forgotten, if we once knew, what “some Einstein” once reminded us: “Look deep into nature, and then you will understand everything better.”

Dear readers and those whom you know, we must break this cycle we are in, for while we fixate on cultural wars or other diversions of the moment that we emotionally expend great divisive energies on, plutocrats and their allies are cementing up their control.  To break the cycle, one must first recognize its properties--

It starts like so:  Begin—or have it whipped up by demagogues—with an emotion, not thought, then make it an ideology so ingrained it becomes part of self-identity, a core of being.  Then pick and choose things from the world, sometimes barely related or even false, to reinforce the belief.  Ignore all contradictory evidence.  Interpret everything through a narrow prism.  Never reconsider or weigh against new evidence.  Toss in religion if you can to make it seem as if heaven is on your side and that those who disagree are on the side of the devil and evil.   Stop listening with a calm spirit, an open mind, and a confident, generous heart.  And loudly, bitterly, viciously attack—verbally, in writing, even physically—those who disagree with you.

Once you have examined that process, realize that—while it may have those practitioners more “guilty” of it—the most important thing is to understand it is used to inflame all “sides.” 

And then ask yourself.  Who benefits? Who benefits from Americans being diverted and bitterly divided? Who benefits from the political process becoming dysfunctional? Who benefits from unlimited money in the political system?  Especially when that money flows to all supposed “sides?”

And then ask yourself, in the last 30-40 years, who has REALLY been getting better off, and most especially who has been getting dramatically better off?  Not who you might BELIEVE is better off, but what the impartial evidence demonstrates inescapably.

And after you answer that, ask yourself concluding questions:

“Do I want to keep giving them the power?  Do I want to keep giving them the money?  Do I want to keep giving them control over my and my loved ones’ futures?  Do I want my life, our life, this life, to be defined by them and limited by them?”

Connecting the Drops

Professor J,

Over the weekend I had some time off after either caring for my mother or clearing my schedule to be on call for her for all of this month and part of last. After a delicious lunch (grilled veggie wrap and side salad) we ran into some acquaintances and went for cocktails at a fairly new restaurant known for its signature drinks and craft beer menu. After studying the menu and the woman next to me ordered a Diet Coke and vodka. I asked her if she knew what the DC was sweetened with. She said she didn't and asked me if I was one of those "healthy people." When we ran into them she'd been smoking a cigarette and she'd already made mention of her fried dinner. She then said "You have to die of something you might as well enjoy it."

If I had a dime for every time I ever heard my mother say that. I'd had a couple of drinks already (and was feeling especially bold) so I asked her if she'd like to visit my mom in the nursing home to see where that kind of thinking is going to land her.  Oddly, she declined. ;)

Something I'm keenly aware of currently is just how much all of our "personal" decisions affect other people. Whenever I hear anyone say "I'm not hurting anyone" I very often now think of all the ways that just isn't true. We pick up the tab in various ways for other people's behavior. We all pay for those who don't handle their finances, addictions, or their health. And often someone is paying an emotional price for someone else justifying their actions with that kind of thinking.

And while we are discussing how our choices affect others in ways we may not think of, you paint a chilling picture of the water situation. I have been thinking of this very thing recently after reading an article about the organization Matt Damon is involved with, Water.org. This site focuses on the need for clean water in areas of the world where clean drinking water is scarce. The number of deaths as well as the time spent by women trying to collect water for their families is staggering.

The issues you raise about the privatization of water supplies in developed countries is sinister instead of just unfortunate. And you are right, the amount of water used for the things you outline is truly shocking. I was also surprised to find out with a little research that not only are corporations buying up water sources but that cash strapped cities and towns are selling their water/sewer systems as well.

I have heard Rush Limbaugh actually wonder aloud on his show during the healthcare debate, what would be next--saying food is a basic human right? Can water be far behind? And in addition to educating people about the dangers of water being privately owned what other measures can people take? A local diet? Giving up red meat and bottled water?

Interesting in just the couple of things I've listed how many solutions would benefit both the environment and the  health of citizens.  Living well and mindfully would benefit our own health, the environment, and our communities.

Money Water

Yes, with sharply increasing numbers of young, healthy people signing up for the Affordable Care Act (ACA), the corner appears turned on this supposedly “unpopular” law.

It is precisely because—both before and even more so under the ACA—that people CAN and DO whatever they want in their lifestyle “health” choices and then expect us to pick up the tab for expensive, drastic, procedures to allow coping and limping along for a number of poor quality of life years, that we have the system we have that is causing us the problems it does, and that is on track to go south further.  A system made all the worse by a disconnected society.  A society that is focused for profit on managing chronic things, not on cures and health, and especially, as you’ve just pointed out, not on prevention.  And a society and economic system designed to perpetuate, foment, and channel in the direction of poor lifestyle choices. 

We need to change all that.  Your way of gradual education and cultural shift is far preferable to it changing us, drastically and maybe relatively suddenly, when reality intervenes.  I am all for sugar and fried foods largely going the way of cigarettes.  It will take a lot of wrestling with our tendencies for delay, deflection, denial, and delusion to do so.  I hope the example of your children becomes a trend, but the studies so far are not supportive that enough of the twenty somethings are swinging a new cultural food shift.  Still, they are not doing quite as poorly as projected, so that’s encouraging.  More research is needed.  And, perhaps, education! :)

Speaking of health and wellbeing, one little noticed trend throughout the world (and not just the “developed” world), but especially in the US, is the privatization of water.  Available drinkable water was never overabundant on a planet where much of water is salt-saturated undrinkable (oceans) or locked up in economically inaccessible polar snow and ice.   Add to that how we have stressed the available sources by a combination of overpopulation (and its increased consumption in personal use and irrigation use to feed that population), industrial use (truly massive quantities—it may shock you), and pollution (plus the concentration of those pollutants).

Capitalists know a scarce commodity on the near-horizon when they see it, and they have raced to 1) get laws changed, 2) secure their status and options via friends in the various political processes worldwide, and 3) buy up the rights to or even obtain outright control of water sources.   

It’s early in the process, but not that early, and in a number of cases, private capitalists are in control of water for hundreds of millions of people, businesses, farming operations, etc.  They have been largely crafty (at least so far), making sure not to spook publics and attempting to stay as low key as possible.  Yet they are already seeding the lexicon.  One CEO went as far to say that “water is not a basic human right.”

Chilling? Perhaps.  But more like slow evaporation.  Of available water—and rights.

Healthy Rant

Professor J,

As you know this post is a day late due to my mom's ongoing health issues. The other day while we were  visiting her, the cardiologist basically told her that her condition (actually there are several) is incurable and the rest of her life will be about managing her pain and breathlessness and trying to give her the best quality of life possible. But he felt the need to share all the information and possible treatments, which included various things up to and including a heart transplant. As he said those two words he looked at me in a way that said "she's 73 and that's not really an option." We understood each other perfectly.

Now that most people seem to have come to terms with the idea of the Affordable Health Care Act as a reality we all have to decide what kind of managed health care we want. As you've pointed out before we don't have "health care" we have "sick care." If we are all going to be in it together then we are going to need better education and communication about all the facets of living a healthy life style. People cannot  do whatever they want and then expect for the rest of us to pick up the tab for drastic procedures at the other end of the road for illnesses and conditions that are related to life style choices.
Change is possible, but comes with education, a desire to do what is necessary, and the realization that we are personally responsible for much of our own health. It might take more than one generation.

Here's what this looks like in my family. My mom's conditions are diabetes, emphysema, congestive heart failure, COPD, and panic attacks. She doesn't smoke any more but did for 30 years. Her life long diet was a typical American one. The idea of exercise was a joke. Only hippies or monks did yoga or meditation. There was a pill for every disorder.

I did a bit better avoiding lots of the pitfalls by observing the kind of life I didn't want. But change was hard and took a long time. It takes quite a bit of concerted effort to decide you aren't going to go on a diet, but eat a completely different way instead. It means investigating, learning, trying, and eventually embracing a new and different way of doing things. Eliminating things like soda and trying to avoid most processed food is hard in the beginning for those of us raised on a steady diet of Coke and Twinkies.

My kids, both in their twenties, are way ahead of where I was at their age. My son gave up red meat at 13 and hasn't eaten a burger in nearly 10 years. His current target is eliminating candy and most other sugars from his diet. My daughter is a pescetarian foregoing poultry as well as beef and pork. Neither of them drink soda (by itself ;)). They cannot imagine a life that wouldn't include lots of physical activity and my daughter even teaches yoga to her kindergarten class. 

Our lifestyle changes didn't happen overnight; new attitudes had to be formulated over time. But once everyone recognizes how much better they feel the changes stick on their own. I have every hope that once we are all in the healthcare boat together, we'll have a little peer pressure in society to help us make better decisions. Might sugar and fried foods go the way of cigarettes? If my kids are any indication, the answer is yes. They are already judging people by what's in their grocery cart.

We've come a long way, baby. 

Eight Kinds of Sideways

Madame M:

Yes, we are probably too late.  After all, this is the disposable era of momentary spectacle-focus, usually followed by attention deficit.

“A nation of hypocritical immigrants.” Well said.

An irony (there are many) of the upset crowd is that the lyrics to the song itself were written by a woman whom lesbian activists of today claim as a historical lesbian and feminist activists of today claim as a historical feminist.

Blended, synergistic diversity has been America’s promise, and often our success, and yet we keep sabotaging ourselves over it.

America, the Land of SO MANY advantages, seems bent on squandering most of them.

It takes blessings and turns them into curses.

Sees many right answers—and chooses the wrong one.

Has so many opportunities to be grandly noble—and follows pettiness instead.

Lifts up ideals that all can be inspired by—and fails nearly thoroughly in trying to live them.

And manages to twist and pervert even the right ideas it carries forward.

For instance: We have, partially rightly, granted access economically internationally to our markets.  The world does need to share, and the world will be a better place when all the peoples have opportunity —and it will be a much safer place too.  But we the willfully ignorant let it be carried out at our working class and middle class expense while the rich benefit.

We need a society—national and world—that simultaneously allows a decent life for decent work while also permitting the exceptional to be exceptional and reap exceptional rewards.

The concept is not that hard.  There are even some societies that have made some initial strides toward it.  You may have mentioned them in this blog a time or two. :)

America the Beautiful Translates

Professor J, are we too late to get our two cents in on this one?

 The Super Bowl Coke ad was moving. No matter how small minded anyone is, the imagery was beautiful. And the song in the various languages was brilliant. We can sing the same song and embrace the same ideals in different ways. That vision of America the Beautiful is why people want to come here. To dream big dreams, start over, and breathe free. And these days, it isn't even so much the reality of what is, as it is the vision of what can be that brings people here. The desire to embrace freedom and possibility is timeless, colorless, and has no language. That's what I saw. And it kind of reminded me of another Coke commercial:

Maybe they were just supposed to sing but not America the Beautiful. And not come here for crying out loud!

I'd like the people who were so offended by the Coke ad to tell our Native American brothers and sisters how outraged they are about all the outsiders featured in a Coke commercial. One of the languages used in the commercial was Keres, a language spoken by the Pueblo people.

Here's the list of languages used: English, Spanish, Tagalog, Hebrew, Hindi, Keres, and Senegalese-French.

I doubt that many people were actually offended by the French or Hebrew. Rather I suspect that they were offended by the different. The other. The not like us. 

Most of the xenophobic Twittter comments were crouched behind the "English is the official language" argument. I suspect however that if the song had played with no words and the same images had been shown, the outrage would have been just as fierce. 

We are a nation of hypocritical immigrants who now dislike immigrants. Which I find amusing and disturbing, and sad. How ironic that the Super Bowl opened with various people quoting the words on the Statue of Liberty:

“Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free,
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore.
Send these, the homeless, tempest-tossed, to me:
I lift my lamp beside the golden door. 

 

Whether or not anyone should be consuming the product advertised is another matter entirely. If you must, I recommend finding it on the Hispanic aisle of your grocery. Coke bottled in Mexico is made with cane sugar instead of high fructose corn syrup. It tastes the way you remember it tasting when you were a kid. Well, except for the added Jack Daniels. ;)

Just Super

Madame:

Good suggestions.  John Maxwell teaches great leadership skills as well (although occasionally we come into slight disagreement).  Readers take note from that while one should not be self-delusional in one’s thinking, the how and character of our thoughts have tremendous impact—personally, with family and friends, and societally.

Today, of course, is Superbowl Sunday, a day that should be enjoyed.  Although I might often appear in these postings a curmudgeon who is in to guilt trips, that perception would be incorrect.  Recreation, play, diversion, group enjoyment—all are very important to both individuals and societies.  I myself have numerous hobbies, pastimes, interests, etc., some quite time engrossing, and would vastly prefer to spend a great deal of each day and week in them.

Superbowl Sunday should be a well earned, well deserved capstone to a week that saw good progress for the society.  One where we could all enjoy it wholeheartedly and guiltlessly because our lives and those around us are progressing sustainably for the better, because we’ve made the decisions and taken the actions to do that.

Except that isn’t the case.  And so Superbowl Sunday becomes instead a Roman-esque testament to our propensity to divert ourselves from the fact that we made no sincere efforts at progress and actually inflicted anti-progress on ourselves; to deny or willingly misapprehend the realities around us; to promote the banal or inane or destructive, and divert the resources to do so; to reward selfishness and visionlessness; and all when the civilizational indicators are heading strongly in the wrong direction. 

And people will justify it by saying they are “powerless to do anything”—except for all the energy, time, and thought they will devote to the premier modern gladiator game, let alone all the smaller ones before that.

Powerlessness in this society is largely a choice.  Readers are referred once again to Madame’s post about the potency of one’s thoughts.

I’ll still be getting together with my friends this afternoon.  We will laugh, we will eat, we will comment on the commercials, we will enjoy the game and each other’s company.  And in the back of our minds we will feel a little tug.

That’s our societal conscience, which knows, and can’t be fooled by justification of hollow spectacle.