I am in a bit of a fog today, and am not sure what I am being “cautious” about, unless you mean it in a tongue-in-cheek way. Or do you mean that given this particular chapter’s contents, I am being cautious in what is directly spoken about? :) Oh wait, you probably mean that I wasn’t addressing you as Madame given our subject matter!
I hope you were amused by the mental gymnastics just displayed! :)
Yes, I have a fair amount of confidence that you are not a reactionary, nor over-emotional (although perhaps there are times where I am poking general femaledom in the eye so severely that maybe are having to resist the urge to do likewise to the maledom I perhaps seem to represent, lol). Let us hope I never take your exemplary logical, reasoning self for granted!
Interesting that the “odd doc with the dolls” Hedges portrays in this chapter admits that his ex-wife “used sex as a control mechanism.” (83) Your response to my friend’s comments: extremely well said! Although neither you or I may have formal training in relationship psychology (perhaps that’s what gives us an edge, lol; and to my friends who DO have the formal training, I ask your indulgence in not being offended at my playful jab!), perhaps we should partner in something (a book, maybe?) examining the modern state of American male-female relationships. We’d certainly be the unusual duo to do so (try saying that fast!).
Yes, good, er, Mad, er, Platinum Phraser (see below!), indeed “selfishness is the human default mode.” (Another well-turned phrase—you are on a platinum streak!). What concerns me about that default mode is when our society promotes it, revels in it, excuses it, and indulges it to an unreasonable and fanatical degree. Is that not one of the reasons for so many of our problems, from Wall Street to Washington to personal relationships? It is our individualistic culture run amok, to utter excess. Greed has gone from not just occasionally acceptable, not just the damaging enough “good” (in Gordon Gecko’s words), to being considered a standard that is part and parcel, as you say, of far too much of this culture, especially upper-class culture. Ayn Rand’s ideas of individualism and objectivism have been twisted and perverted (in some views) or taken, along with capitalism, to their inevitable excess (in other views). We could indeed be becoming the very diminished creatures you outline. An awakened portion of our populace rages in its way at this phenomenon; will it be enough to make us look at ourselves in all our ugly nakedness?
Interesting what you say about the female-dominated rhetoric in the public space. I recently heard Robert Bly speak, and since he is the founder of the modern men’s movement, he was asked about the state of it (that we need a men’s movement is evidence of how far the pendulum has swung in the other direction after male dominance for so long). He answered that men have a need to get together with other men and discuss real things that are bothering them, but they are STILL shy and hesitant, still unsure of themselves, and still AFRAID of what the women in their lives think and say. Afraid! How brave men have not only lost their bravery but become so kow-towed!
I have observed this phenomenon that you, Hedges, and Naomi Wolff speak about. It is yet another thing contributing to the dysfunction between the genders! The isolation, the illusion. The lack of developing social skills because one can retreat to the virtual world for far too many things (which are, as you and Wolff point out, not only divorced from reality as well as being enfeebling, mind and emotion-poisoning substitutes, but they actually turn one against reality, making the person unable or unwilling to function in that reality). Hedges reinforces this with the story of the ex-porn star who went on to get her doctorate degree in psychology: “The more society loses touch with reality, especially in relationships, the more people do not know how it is supposed to be, how to react with other people, the more they turn to porn.’ (81)
Yes, kudos to our readers! They are obviously superior beings for being able to slog through what must seem our (or at least my!) raw and unpolished blogness when compared to the concisely and tightly written/edited work of someone like Hedges! :)
And now on to more of the book! Hedges quotes Gail Dines in saying that “just as white suburban teenagers love to listen to hip-hop and white adult males gaze longingly at the athletic prowess of black men, the white pornography consumer enjoys his identifications with (and from) black males through a safe peephole, in his own home, and in mediated form. The real breathing black man, however, is to be kept as far away as possible from these living rooms, and every major institution in society marshals its forces in the defense of white society.” (77). Again, although I cannot much argue about the point, the connection is still not certain to me. It could be that I am merely resistant to accepting it, however, for it has been apparent for some time that much of white society, young males in particular, have been adrift without a culture they find appealing, and have mimicked (usually from a safe distance, as Dines suggests) what they see (often woefully incompletely) as elements of African-American culture (at least inner-city culture).
The porn director that Hedges interviews is raw but perhaps brutally enlightening about the previously mentioned coarsening of our culture: The director says that he “’makes stupid content for stupid people,’ that porn is a prime example of the ‘stupidification of America. This is a YouTube world,’ he continues. ‘It is a Jackass world. Everyone has short attention spans. You need a catchy trailer. You catch their attention, they buy the film, and they jerk off.’” (78)
The cruel and ruthless exploitation of even amateurs who just happen to be momentary participants in one form or another in the porn industry, is revolting, as Hedges shows us on pages 78-80. How our culture has become commodified, as Hedges relates. This has even progressed to “dating.” A website now advertises on satellite radio as being “authentic” dating, without all the “phoniness” of traditional online dating sites. What’s the authenticity, you ask? I don’t know. “Generous” men bid on advertised women to have a date with (attractive) women who advertise themselves, and the highest bidder wins (and the woman gets part of the money). To use my now nearly worn-out phrase: as if we needed yet ANOTHER thing to add to the dysfunction between the genders!
The Romans were once known for their utter sensibility, their practicality and pragmatism. But that changed as time went on. It changed largely because THEY changed.
If there is a cosmic reporter/historian watching us from space, he/she/it must marvel at the searing irony of a nation and a people that cares so little for history marching in near-exacting repeated steps of that “all-powerful superpower” of ancient civilization.
And one of the ways we repeat Rome’s mistakes is our dualistic dysfunction about sex and sexuality. And our version of porn would be familiar enough to the dysfunctionals of Rome—and for many of the same reasons.
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